It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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