i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
