the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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