I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
