There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
