I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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