Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
