you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize