lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
