fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
