I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
