i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
