I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize