is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
