mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
