someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
