"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize