I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
