So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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