Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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