You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
