i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize