She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize