some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
