He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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