my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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