Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
