My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
