i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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