I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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