Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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