if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
