covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
