I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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