no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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