i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
