And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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