i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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