Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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