We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
