When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
