Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
a search helicopter?!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
