So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
