The maid of honor just puked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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