it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
