A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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