Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
