my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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