we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
