I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
