just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
