We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
