My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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