I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize