somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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