I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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