i think my tv is drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
