I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
