You can't special order awesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
