I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
