am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
