Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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