You're a womanizer and a bitch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
pray to the hookup gods
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
