If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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