he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
