so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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