once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
