so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You've changed since you got that strap on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
