i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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