I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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