Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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