What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
