thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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