She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
