As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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