I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
