I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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