he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
