Got a toothbrush?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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