You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
