i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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