I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
